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Roots and Wings: Reconciling The Contradictions of Motherhood
Revisiting an essay written almost two decades ago on Mother’s Day
Sharing the very first essay that I felt brave enough to send out for publication. It appeared in the San Jose Mercury News in California in September 2002.
It began in the delivery room after nineteen hours of labor, when my baby arrived safely into this world, and the umbilical cord connecting us was severed. As I felt the last of the contractions, I experienced the first of many contradictions of motherhood.
I felt humbled by the miracle of finally seeing this perfect miniature human being who had started out as a clump of cells. But I simultaneously experienced a minor twinge of regret for the end of my pregnancy. The special bond I had shared with my unborn child, one only I could selfishly enjoy, was now broken.
In the euphoric initial moments of motherhood, the regret seemed miniscule, compared to all the other changes I was experiencing physically and emotionally. It was only later that I realized that it was the first of many conflicting emotions that have swept through me since my daughter’s birth.
Becoming a mother opened a whole new window to the world
